Tuesday, January 2, 2007
I only noticed it tonight...
...although, as soon as I became conscious of it, I realized I've been doing this, just below awareness, for some days.
Mom and I were watching a program this evening, what doesn't matter, but, if you must know, it was the replaying of the last season of The L Word, to review before the new season begins next Sunday, I think. As I was watching two of the characters interact I watched the more noticeable character's face dissolve before me into what the actor playing the character will look like in her 70's, maybe 80's, depending. As I continued to watch the program I snuck up on myself for purposes of observation and noticed that I am unfailingly doing this with every character. If the character/actors are already old, I dissolve them into what they looked like before they accomplished advanced aging. Despite the transformation, I noticed, as well, I was viewing all the stages at the same time; sort of a multi-dimensional video.
It was strange to notice myself doing something like that. It made me gasp. As I thought about this activity, I wondered how, and when, I started it. I successfully remember having put my mother through these types of observational phasings, especially when she is reminiscing about a particular period of her life. My mind will transform what I see of her into who she was at the time of the incident. I'm not sure how long I've been doing this with my mother. I know I haven't been doing it with other people all that long. Maybe a few of months.
It's not really disturbing to me that I'm doing this. What is vaguely disturbing is the accompanying overwhelming sense of the ephemerality of life.
Ah, well. I'm still on vacation, by the way.
Later.
Mom and I were watching a program this evening, what doesn't matter, but, if you must know, it was the replaying of the last season of The L Word, to review before the new season begins next Sunday, I think. As I was watching two of the characters interact I watched the more noticeable character's face dissolve before me into what the actor playing the character will look like in her 70's, maybe 80's, depending. As I continued to watch the program I snuck up on myself for purposes of observation and noticed that I am unfailingly doing this with every character. If the character/actors are already old, I dissolve them into what they looked like before they accomplished advanced aging. Despite the transformation, I noticed, as well, I was viewing all the stages at the same time; sort of a multi-dimensional video.
It was strange to notice myself doing something like that. It made me gasp. As I thought about this activity, I wondered how, and when, I started it. I successfully remember having put my mother through these types of observational phasings, especially when she is reminiscing about a particular period of her life. My mind will transform what I see of her into who she was at the time of the incident. I'm not sure how long I've been doing this with my mother. I know I haven't been doing it with other people all that long. Maybe a few of months.
It's not really disturbing to me that I'm doing this. What is vaguely disturbing is the accompanying overwhelming sense of the ephemerality of life.
Ah, well. I'm still on vacation, by the way.
Later.
