Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I just awoke from a dream...
...in which Jessica Fletcher and I solved a murder mystery involving a red haired man, appearing as the culprit in my dream, who my subconscious stole from the movie An Unfinished Life, which Mom and I watched, in our "reel" life, a few days ago during a personal, mini Lasse Hallström festival. It was an exuberant enjoyable dream. During the investigation both Jessica and I donned disguises. Both of us failed to recognize the other in disguise. I laughed so hard in the dream I may have laughed out loud in real life.
I'm mentioning the dream because, as it closed, Jessica mentioned that she would be returning to her "favorite place"; for her, in the dream, it was Wales. She urged me to do the same.
The idea sounded perfect, I agreed, and told her, in answer to her query, that my favorite place was Seattle, Washington, any time but the summer, but that I would be deferring my return.
"What's stopping you?" she asked.
"My mother and I live together and she can't take Seattle weather. If she doesn't enjoy it, I won't." My voice and mood in the dream were matter of fact. No sorrow. No regrets.
Jessica smiled, nodded approvingly and wished me well, "...until we meet again," [presumably in Dream Land to solve another murder mystery].
I awoke as Jessica donned another disguise and headed toward Wales. I was surprised to realize that, even in my dream life, now, I am satisfied with where I am, my commitment to my mother and what I consider that it asks of my life. Partnering with Jessica Fletcher in a dream is one indication. My mother's been on a Murder, She Wrote binge, lately, and, this time, I'm not annoyed by it; not even by hearing the theme over and over (which may or may not have been atmosphere music in my dream).
It's funny, too, because I have a recent info-blip with which to compare my staunch refusal to return to my favorite place at this time. Yesterday Mom and I were watching the weather segment of a "local" (from Phoenix) news program. The meteorologist mentioned that the Western United States is in a La Niña pattern: Cooler and wetter for the Pacific Northwest (he mentioned Seattle specifically); warmer and drier for us.
I remember thinking, "Damn, I'm missing a La Niña winter in Seattle! Oh well, it won't be the last."
Simultaneously, my mother was saying, "Oh, good, looks like it's going to be warmer, here, this year!" She added, "I'm sorry you're missing Seattle, though. Why don't you visit there for a week? I'll be fine."
My mother, of course, was thinking that she'd be fine on her own...not in a nursing home, which she'd refuse and in which, frankly, after our skilled nursing facility adventure, I'd refuse to harbor her unless I could check on her care daily; and, you know, if I'm going to be here to check on her daily, why not just be with her here at home? Much better for both of us.
I grinned, thanked her, and told her, "I think I'll do that."
This satisfied both of us, even though I fear I'm suffering a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder because of this winter's uninhibited sun. Makes it easy, though, to get my mother in the car for a blood draw during the winter. Which I'll be doing shortly.
Off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of blood.
Later.
I'm mentioning the dream because, as it closed, Jessica mentioned that she would be returning to her "favorite place"; for her, in the dream, it was Wales. She urged me to do the same.
The idea sounded perfect, I agreed, and told her, in answer to her query, that my favorite place was Seattle, Washington, any time but the summer, but that I would be deferring my return.
"What's stopping you?" she asked.
"My mother and I live together and she can't take Seattle weather. If she doesn't enjoy it, I won't." My voice and mood in the dream were matter of fact. No sorrow. No regrets.
Jessica smiled, nodded approvingly and wished me well, "...until we meet again," [presumably in Dream Land to solve another murder mystery].
I awoke as Jessica donned another disguise and headed toward Wales. I was surprised to realize that, even in my dream life, now, I am satisfied with where I am, my commitment to my mother and what I consider that it asks of my life. Partnering with Jessica Fletcher in a dream is one indication. My mother's been on a Murder, She Wrote binge, lately, and, this time, I'm not annoyed by it; not even by hearing the theme over and over (which may or may not have been atmosphere music in my dream).
It's funny, too, because I have a recent info-blip with which to compare my staunch refusal to return to my favorite place at this time. Yesterday Mom and I were watching the weather segment of a "local" (from Phoenix) news program. The meteorologist mentioned that the Western United States is in a La Niña pattern: Cooler and wetter for the Pacific Northwest (he mentioned Seattle specifically); warmer and drier for us.
I remember thinking, "Damn, I'm missing a La Niña winter in Seattle! Oh well, it won't be the last."
Simultaneously, my mother was saying, "Oh, good, looks like it's going to be warmer, here, this year!" She added, "I'm sorry you're missing Seattle, though. Why don't you visit there for a week? I'll be fine."
My mother, of course, was thinking that she'd be fine on her own...not in a nursing home, which she'd refuse and in which, frankly, after our skilled nursing facility adventure, I'd refuse to harbor her unless I could check on her care daily; and, you know, if I'm going to be here to check on her daily, why not just be with her here at home? Much better for both of us.
I grinned, thanked her, and told her, "I think I'll do that."
This satisfied both of us, even though I fear I'm suffering a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder because of this winter's uninhibited sun. Makes it easy, though, to get my mother in the car for a blood draw during the winter. Which I'll be doing shortly.
Off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of blood.
Later.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Damn, it's good to be back!...
...and bittersweet. In order to get myself back here I decided it was necessary for me to disengage from my involvement at Daily Strength's caregiver support community. In order not to repeat myself all over the web, here's the post at Daily Strength in which I explain my change of direction. Ahhh...sad, but, it's good to be back.
As usual, I've got a load of items backlogged in my mind I want to post about, so, here's my partial reminder list, partial, that is, to my memory:
Sooner than later!
As usual, I've got a load of items backlogged in my mind I want to post about, so, here's my partial reminder list, partial, that is, to my memory:
- A few nights ago Mom called out to me from Dream Land. First time she's done this;
- Comparison of Away from Her with the story from which it was adapted, The Bear Came Over the Mountain. The story link is to the 1999 publication of it in The New Yorker, by the way...if you enjoyed the movie, you might want to read the story; if you click into it and you get a mishmashed paged with an advertisement stationed and stationary over it, refresh your page and the story should come through;
- Short factual review of my mother's 90th birthday celebration (the one that happened here during the week of her birthday and the one that happened far away on the day of her birthday);
- Flu Shot Day (last Saturday);
- How Mom's been doing since her second blood transfusion;
- Early Thanksgiving, this year, including a visit from MCS & MCBIL this weekend;
- Interesting article in the most recent edition of Take Care!, the NFCA's snail mail newsletter...think "healthcare nightmare" a thousand times worse than anything I've experienced while medically advocating on my mother's behalf;
- My delighted reaction to Karma giving me a friendship award!
Sooner than later!
