Thursday, January 25, 2007
List of Things I Absolutely Won't Be Doing after My Mother Dies
Item #1: I will never again watch an episode of the television series M*A*S*H.
Some time this last fall I was relieved to discover that the Hallmark Channel, the channel which was broadcasting four back-to-back episodes of M*A*S*H every evening at the time when Mom usually insists on watching TV, which "we" often viewed when I couldn't find anything else to interest Mom and I didn't want to watch TV, which means she watched it a lot, changed the time of their relentless broadcasting of this show to earlier in the day when Mom is usually not interested in watching TV. As a result, I've managed to interest her in other shows, movies, etc.
In the ensuing months, Mom's retirement and arousal times have both shifted forward a couple of hours so that she now regularly retires between 0100 and 0200. Often, the time before she retires is filled with reading, talking, maybe watching movies, either from our collection or on TV, occasional games, maybe a project here and there...blissfully free of the theme from M*A*S*H. Last night, though, Mom's concentration level was pretty low, so I figured, around midnight, that junk TV might be a good idea. I started to surf through the channel line-up.
Following a couple of clicks of the remote, my mother excitedly noticed, "There's M*A*S*H! It's on another channel now!"
The thing is, although I usually flip through channels so quickly that she doesn't have a chance to register the names of the scrolling shows, M*A*S*H appears on the roster with the asterisks between the letters, so her recognition of its placement is instantaneous. I shuddered but was a good sport and triggered the show...halfway through the first of four episodes. I made a mental note to myself that I need to start rifling through our video collection for late night fare.
Earlier this afternoon, still slip sliding through a minor down-for-the-count period, Mom decided, yet again, that all she wanted to do was watch "some light TV". The surfing began. Lo and behold, M*A*S*H showed up, on which channel I don't recall, and, wouldn't you know it, four episodes in a row. My spirit sunk. Out of curiosity, I used the menu to see how many times during any particular day the show plays. Come to discover, it is on at least four channels at different times throughout the day. I can't be certain about how many channels run the show because the list of viewing times seemed to go on forever and Mom admonished me that she was missing part of an episode while I was "playing". I suspect, though, if one wishes, one could watch an episode of M*A*S*H at any time during the day.
Ohmigod...I'm being attacked by M*A*S*H!
Now you know why we don't own the series on DVD. Aside from the fact that it isn't necessary, for the reasons mentioned above, owning it, I believe, would be considered Cruel and Unusual Punishment of the Caregiver, at least in this household.
I know why my mother loves this show. I know she will love it for the rest of her life and scavenge every opportunity to watch yet another episode of it. In addition, I believe the show is good for her. Despite that it's about a conflict in which the U.S. participated after she left the military and its generational references are a little post-dated for her, I believe it reinforces what she considers the best parts of her character and the best parts of her life. And yet, there are times when I hear the theme and I think, Bring that asteroid, now, please, or I may be provoked to throw something heavy through the TV screen!
I have considered that her love affair with this show will, A.M. (After Mom), come to have an altered significance for me...I occasionally am afflicted with images of myself looking at an episode of M*A*S*H in the future, for nostalgia's sake, in order to recall and savor moments in our life together and refresh my memory of certain aspects of her character...
NOT!
If this ever happens, anyone who knows me can be sure that it will be time to administer the MMSE to me.
Later.
Some time this last fall I was relieved to discover that the Hallmark Channel, the channel which was broadcasting four back-to-back episodes of M*A*S*H every evening at the time when Mom usually insists on watching TV, which "we" often viewed when I couldn't find anything else to interest Mom and I didn't want to watch TV, which means she watched it a lot, changed the time of their relentless broadcasting of this show to earlier in the day when Mom is usually not interested in watching TV. As a result, I've managed to interest her in other shows, movies, etc.
In the ensuing months, Mom's retirement and arousal times have both shifted forward a couple of hours so that she now regularly retires between 0100 and 0200. Often, the time before she retires is filled with reading, talking, maybe watching movies, either from our collection or on TV, occasional games, maybe a project here and there...blissfully free of the theme from M*A*S*H. Last night, though, Mom's concentration level was pretty low, so I figured, around midnight, that junk TV might be a good idea. I started to surf through the channel line-up.
Following a couple of clicks of the remote, my mother excitedly noticed, "There's M*A*S*H! It's on another channel now!"
The thing is, although I usually flip through channels so quickly that she doesn't have a chance to register the names of the scrolling shows, M*A*S*H appears on the roster with the asterisks between the letters, so her recognition of its placement is instantaneous. I shuddered but was a good sport and triggered the show...halfway through the first of four episodes. I made a mental note to myself that I need to start rifling through our video collection for late night fare.
Earlier this afternoon, still slip sliding through a minor down-for-the-count period, Mom decided, yet again, that all she wanted to do was watch "some light TV". The surfing began. Lo and behold, M*A*S*H showed up, on which channel I don't recall, and, wouldn't you know it, four episodes in a row. My spirit sunk. Out of curiosity, I used the menu to see how many times during any particular day the show plays. Come to discover, it is on at least four channels at different times throughout the day. I can't be certain about how many channels run the show because the list of viewing times seemed to go on forever and Mom admonished me that she was missing part of an episode while I was "playing". I suspect, though, if one wishes, one could watch an episode of M*A*S*H at any time during the day.
Ohmigod...I'm being attacked by M*A*S*H!
Now you know why we don't own the series on DVD. Aside from the fact that it isn't necessary, for the reasons mentioned above, owning it, I believe, would be considered Cruel and Unusual Punishment of the Caregiver, at least in this household.
I know why my mother loves this show. I know she will love it for the rest of her life and scavenge every opportunity to watch yet another episode of it. In addition, I believe the show is good for her. Despite that it's about a conflict in which the U.S. participated after she left the military and its generational references are a little post-dated for her, I believe it reinforces what she considers the best parts of her character and the best parts of her life. And yet, there are times when I hear the theme and I think, Bring that asteroid, now, please, or I may be provoked to throw something heavy through the TV screen!
I have considered that her love affair with this show will, A.M. (After Mom), come to have an altered significance for me...I occasionally am afflicted with images of myself looking at an episode of M*A*S*H in the future, for nostalgia's sake, in order to recall and savor moments in our life together and refresh my memory of certain aspects of her character...
NOT!
If this ever happens, anyone who knows me can be sure that it will be time to administer the MMSE to me.
Later.
