Mom & Me Five Archive

    It's inevitable. If you're a caregiver you're going to host a sense of failure over something, sometimes multitudes of somethings: Failure to notice; failure to do; failure to think; failure to react appropriately; failure to moderate well among extended family; failure to "whistle a happy tune"; failure to "take care of yourself"; failure to effectively medically advocate; failure to look up and out when everyone else has their eyes firmly on their own patch of ground; failure to do everything "right"; failure, finally, to know what's right.
    Along with everything else that occurred to me this weekend, it also occurred to me that when I'm at the point of exhaustion, emotional or intellectual or physical or spiritual or all or any combination of the previous at once, the most effective action I can take is to embrace my failure and live it. Without apology.
    This means:

• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I didn't notice such and such," just say, "Oops, I didn't notice."
• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I didn't do such and such," just say, "Oops, I didn't do it."
• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I didn't think of such and such," just say, "My brain was elsewhere."
• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I didn't react appropriately to such and such," just say, "I'm not reacting well, at the moment."
• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I didn't moderate family relationships with elan," just say, "I get a failing grade in family relationships."
• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I can't 'accentuate the positive'," just say, "I've never been able to learn how to whistle and I'm tone deaf."
• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I'm not taking care of myself," just say, "You think I'm not taking care of myself. Okay."
• Instead of saying, "I failed to see the importance of proper medical advocation," just say, "Why didn't the doctors see what I didn't?"
• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I wasn't an example of higher spiritual values," just say, "My spirit is exhausted. Deal with it. Or don't. I've got other things to do."
• Instead of saying, "I'm sorry I didn't do or know the right thing," just say, "I have no idea what's right and I'm too tired to worry about it."

    Nancy Regan was right. Sometimes it's best to "Just Say No."
    Later.